Post by mitchfit on Jul 2, 2014 19:09:03 GMT
WHY IT PAYS TO KEEP A CIVIL TONGUE...
In the greatest days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring Colonel. It was a small Garrison of about 50 soldiers to keep order over about five thousand local natives.
After welcoming his replacement, and showing the courtesies (gin and tonic, a good cigar) that protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said, "You must meet Captain Smithers, my right-hand man. My God, he is really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless. Having been stationed here for over 20 years, he knows more about the local Tribes than any man in Her Majesty's Army. He has repeatedly saved me from making mistakes when dealing with the Natives. They are very sensitive about our dealings with them, and it is of the utmost importance that we keep good relations with them." The new Colonel asked, "Because they outnumber us so?" The retiring Colonel replied, "Yes, that also."
Smithers had been summoned and at that moment, appeared to meet the new CO. He was quite surprised to meet a toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity with a hunchback, a marked limp when walking, and hands drawn up with a very bad case of arthritis. Overall, a particularly unattractive man less than three feet tall.
"Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself."
"Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after 3 expeditions behind enemy lines. I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events and won a Silver Medal in the heavy weight boxing division of the Olympics. Two years in a row, I won the Wimbledon Cup for the 1,000 yard shooting competition. I have researched the history of..."
Here the Colonel interrupted, just as his replacement was getting ready to ask how Smithers could have possibly been a boxer in that weight class....
"Yes, yes. Never mind that, Smithers. You have had an exemplary military career and have every right to be proud of that, but the CO can find all of that in your file.
I was rather hoping you would tell him about the day you called the witch doctor an imbecile."
mitchfit
In the greatest days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring Colonel. It was a small Garrison of about 50 soldiers to keep order over about five thousand local natives.
After welcoming his replacement, and showing the courtesies (gin and tonic, a good cigar) that protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said, "You must meet Captain Smithers, my right-hand man. My God, he is really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless. Having been stationed here for over 20 years, he knows more about the local Tribes than any man in Her Majesty's Army. He has repeatedly saved me from making mistakes when dealing with the Natives. They are very sensitive about our dealings with them, and it is of the utmost importance that we keep good relations with them." The new Colonel asked, "Because they outnumber us so?" The retiring Colonel replied, "Yes, that also."
Smithers had been summoned and at that moment, appeared to meet the new CO. He was quite surprised to meet a toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity with a hunchback, a marked limp when walking, and hands drawn up with a very bad case of arthritis. Overall, a particularly unattractive man less than three feet tall.
"Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself."
"Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after 3 expeditions behind enemy lines. I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events and won a Silver Medal in the heavy weight boxing division of the Olympics. Two years in a row, I won the Wimbledon Cup for the 1,000 yard shooting competition. I have researched the history of..."
Here the Colonel interrupted, just as his replacement was getting ready to ask how Smithers could have possibly been a boxer in that weight class....
"Yes, yes. Never mind that, Smithers. You have had an exemplary military career and have every right to be proud of that, but the CO can find all of that in your file.
I was rather hoping you would tell him about the day you called the witch doctor an imbecile."
mitchfit
(we need to make any jokes Resonator related )